Trying to gain control

I have not written my thoughts for many months and the reason for that is that I did not want to face the reality that I had lost control with my eating habits.. But a moment turned into a day and a day turned into weeks and then months!

Emotional eating is like a train that is hard to get off and what I am starting to realise is that it will always be a wound I will have to attend to but I have to believe I can gain more control and stay focused for longer and teach myself to work through my emotions instead of using food as the escape.

So life goes on and I am committed to to reaching my health and weightloss goals... :)

Getting through the weekend!

Well Monday is here again and I am heading into week 2 of the 12wbt! Weekends have always been my hardest time to stick to the plan but I am a happy girl this morning because I did stick to the plan over the weekend. I wasn't able to burn 1000calories on one training session over the weekend due to commitments with my kids but I was able to do a training session on my own for an hours on Saturday and then my friend Chila smashed me on Sunday morning with a stair workout that I have never experienced before! It was a set of stairs that must have been a total of 80 if not even more that I ran up and down numerous times and then running, pushups, dips etc.. I was breathless and could not speak lol and today my legs are really really sore but I am so glad I did it. In the moment I thought I might pass... It once again reminds me that I can work harder than I think and positive talk is vital. A few times I said "I can't" only to be yelled out my Chila... "yes you can!"

So Saturday was crazy with being at the gym the dropping my daughter off to choir and then my hubby and I looked at a new car in which we will be buying so we ended up taking much longer than planned and it was 1pm and I had not eaten since 8am so I was starving... I was offered a biscuit that I said no to and thankfully we found a subway in which I had a turkey and salad wrap!

Sunday was my treat meal out to lunch at the local pub and I enjoyed every minute of it but chose to not each much of the potato mash to save on calories.

This morning I woke up at 4.30am and at the gym by 5.20am I did some running and then a Body attack class. It has been a while since I have been in that class and I noticed that I was able to keep up so much better than before even with my legs being so sore. I was happy..

Anyway have to run and get to work..so much to do :)

It's Friday and Day5!

It's good to be at Day 5, I didn't like Day 4 for some reason I just found it hard more tempted to eat to many calories and just felt a little emotional. It probably didn't help that I ended the day watching the 2nd last Oprah show! No really what an incredible women who has impacted on so many lives around the world. I was crying and I am sure I will cry watching her final show.

It was awesome to be on Michelle's live feed last night and to read all the questions people have I like though that Michelle reminds all of us to not over think it, keep it simple, don't compare with others and go for it. That still is hard for me I do compare and I know that it doesn't get me anywhere. I also know the first few weeks are the hardest even though I am the lightest I have been in 4 years I know these next few kilos are going to be tough to shed but I remind myself the only way to get there is to push through every barrier and exercise that "will power muscle".

So I am about to leave for the gym my plan is to do 15-20minutes of running/walking before RPM as I know that will tip my calories burnt to over 500. I have a super Sunday planned this week my good friend Chila a personal trainer is taking me out to a park to run stairs and I am sure alot of other hard work so I thankful that she is happy to support me.

I just have to say my kids are the best, they are my biggest fan club, they tell me everyday how beautiful I am and say things like "mum, your looking so slim" Bless their hearts, they are amazing.

So better run... so glad to be at Day 5. I can't wait for the Chicken Burgers for dinner tonight. Yum, my kids are also loving the dinners the are raving about them.

Here's to an incredible FRIDAY :)

It's a juggling Act!

I have had one of those mornings that not all has gone to plan BUT I have not fallen off the wagon just realising that to keep up with everything I have to be even more organised than I am right now! My alarm went off a 4.30am although I didn't get out of bed till 4.40am which I really should have been up by 4.30am. I left for group training on time and arrived in the pitch black at the park to have an awesome training with my favourite PT Chila and some new faces. When I went to leave my car battery had died so that delayed getting home and mornings are normally a minute to minute routine to fit in training and get all 3 kids out the door by 7.40am. Oh well things did not happen that way today lol.

I really want to track my progress and stick to my commitments so I thought I would re write them down here today so I know what I have said on the forums that I would commit to!

Ok so here it is...

100 push ups a day
100 sit ups a day
No alcohol for Round 2
Write in blog at least 3-4 times a week
Write in Food/Exercise diary daily
Writing a blog on Monday's to share with other 12wbt's

So I think that is the daily/weekly commitments I have made to help with my over all commitment of becoming the best version of myself. I have created a spreadsheet to help me keep track of all of these things. The easiest one is the no alcohol I am not much of a drinker but the few times I did have some drinks in the last round it really blew out my calorie intake which is really just not worth it!

So I just have to try a little more each day to make sure I have this house hold running to plan so I don't lose the plot. hehe.. Ok, back to work much to do!

Mindset monday ... First blogging challenge!!!!!

If you can dream it you can achieve it!!!
August has come around so fast and here I am getting ready for my second group training with Michelle Bridges. Today is different because I am home with my children and they get to see my excitement and even come and watch me work out. I have turned my health and life around for me but to be able to live a healthy and fit life is to show my children that it is possible and inspire them to always make it apart of their life!


Wow I love being a size 10 I love that I have now lost a total of 34kg's! I love that when I have my gym clothes on that I look awesome! with a flat tummy and skinny legs! 


I am excited, I feel so proud of who I have become every part of me has changed. I don't just smile on the outside now to cover the pain in my soul my happiness and enthusiasm for life comes from deep within my heart.


It's now time to get ready for the party to celebrate this last 12 weeks of my life. To celebrate that I committed to the plan of 4am starts and pushing myself harder every time I trained to not miss an opportunity of being the best version of myself. There were times that I could have fallen even jumped off the wagon but I chose to stay strong. It wasn't always easy but it was worth every great decision I made and the peace and satisfaction I feel inside far out ways the instant gratification of a piece of chocolate or mindless binge!


I love the dress I am wearing this is the first time in 8 1/2 years that I have worn a dress that exposed my arms and also without wearing a jacket to cover up the bulges!


It feels amazing... I almost can't believe it, that really is me standing in the mirror. Honestly I feel content, I feel at peace and I feel like I can take on any challenge that comes my way. I have dreamt about this moment since I was 8 years of age, the moment when I look in the mirror and happy with the reflection I see... Tonight this is my moment, I have worked hard, cried many tears and all of it was worth it to see who I see in the mirror... The best version of me! :)


Today this is a reality not just a dream.... 

And it begins!

Ok..it is amazing how it is easy to have a great attitude and mental focus at the beginning of something new! I am trying to bottle these thought processors and attitude to get me through the next 12 weeks. I have to say I am really excited to see how my body continues to change as I lose more weight as also as I spend more time on the forums to hear about everyone's journey the good and the bad!

I am really happy about my fitness test so far, I still have to finish the wall sit and stretching but I ran my 1km time trial this morning and I ran it in 5min 52seconds! So in 3 months I have improved my time by 2 minutes. I am now very eager to see how I go in another 4 weeks. The other exciting part of my day is I had a doctors appointment to get blood tests and also a check up as I was part of a weight loss program that worked along side your doctor and my waist measurement has dropped by 22cm in the last 12 months overall which is fantastic!!!

So today I am on top of the world... I plan to work hard to keep it that way!
I did do about 40minutes at the gym this morning with cross trainer and treadmill but I am going back tonight to do a bit more, maybe a RPM class.

I have all food ready for the day, had a yummy snack of 2 vita-wheats with about 30g of cottage cheese with some sweet chilly sauce mixed in. Yum Yum and from my calculations under the 150calories.

Ok, I better get back to some more work! :)

I did some mental preparation today!

Ok, there has been no super Saturday for me today due to having to take my son to a gymnastics competition early this morning and then went looking for a new car with my hubby and kids. So tomorrow morning I am going to fit it in around another busy day.

I took some time to look through the photos from that my hubby took at the group training session in Melbourne last weekend and although since losing 16kg's I am not as horrified to see myself in photo's but you can imagine photos of me running, bum in the air are not the most pleasant of pictures... anyway I was getting a little depressed because I can clearly see the 20kg's that still need to come off. I have spent some time thinking about that over the last few hours and had to slap myself around a few times and remind myself of the commitment I have made and wrote as part of my mission of the 12wbt....


"My commitment to my children, my hubby and to Mish is to never give up on becoming the best version of myself with my body, heart and soul. That if I fall I will get back up again, that my internal and emotional issues with food and at times my self doubt will not stop me from reaching my goals. I will remind myself daily that 'I was created to be healthy, fit, energetic and I can achieve all my goals. All things are possible to those who believe!'
No holding back..ill see you at the finish line :)"

I may not be able to wish my weight away and it magically disappear but I can transform not just my body through losing weight but every part of my life. I know each kilo I lose my confidence grows.

Tonight my hubby and I are going out to dinner with my personal trainer and another girl that I train with to have a "last supper" so to speak before round 2 begins. I will also have my last glass of wine for 12 weeks as I have decided no alcohol till after round 2.

:)

Group training!

I love group training even though is it getting a little cold in the morning and dark when we start! Chila our training is brilliant and so funny I would not have progressed with my fitness and running if it wasn't for her encouragement. Sometimes it is just me and Chila that train in the park but this morning we had some extra's so it was good to have a bit more competition with the obstacle course and running hills. I do need to try and get to bed earlier though because 4am starts are hard on 5 hours sleep...
So another day towards the new me, I am still working through all my pre season tasks for the 12WBT but I will have it all organised before kickoff!

So much to do and seems like not enough hours in the day. I wish there was a pause button sometimes lol

Afternoon's are hard

Well it's 3.30pm and I have just dropped home for 30minutes to see my younger 2 kids before I head out to pick up my eldest and drive her to Australian Girls Choir on the other side of Brissy. This is the time of day I feel like I could eat everything in site... I just had a yogurt and was about to eat more and then asked myself "Do I really need it?" of course the answer in NO.. So to distract myself I made a green tea and now writing on this blog to remind myself again of my goals... I have 20kg's to lose and that wont happen if I keep sabotaging myself.
Ok... I feel better now, it's been a great day! I plan to keep it that way so I am one day closer to my goal!

I love mornings!

Just thought i would take a few minutes to write some thoughts as my kids start to emerge from their bedrooms on a chilly morning to get ready for school and another day begins. I usually get up at 4am to go an d exercise but I am training to night so didn't have to get up so early and also our Electrical business is very busy at the moment my hubby has been staying up to 2am to finish paperwork so I also need to help him get up and out the door by 7am... anyway just to remind myself life does always stay in routine with family I do have to be flexable but that does not give me and excuse to "cheat" today!
I have been working through my pre-season tasks and really focusing on my excuses... This is the 3rd time I have done this and my first reaction when reading through and thinking about them was "I don't make excuses, I get it done!" well I must have been only thinking about exercise because I have developed a consistent routine with exercise and I have always loved to be active and even though my training is the best it has been exercise has not been my main issue for having weight problems... FOOD has and as I have once again worked through this pre-season tasks I have realised that I still emotional eat, I still make lots of excuses in my mind and I let any deviation in the norm affect the choices I make.

So even though it's only days away to kick-off of Round 2, I am not rushing my reflecting and standing in front of the mirror to really look inside myself to work through my insecurities and self doubt because it is a NEW day, a new opportunity to keep taking small steps to getting all these excuses banished for life!

So note to self...Write down what you eat today KAREN and get your butt to the gym tonight! :)

Round 2 of Michelle Bridges 12WBT

Ok... life has slipped past me so quickly yet again although I am determined to update my blog more often as I refocus and set my goals for Round 2 of the Michelle Bridges 12WBT 2011. My hubby and I flew down to Melbourne last weekend and I was apart of the group training and attended the party!

I was inspired by the stories and even though I was happy with my results of Round 1 I know I could have been more focused so it's time to really set my eyes on the goal...being THE BEST VERSION of ME :)

So... I better get back to the pre-season tasks...I have only just started them and it's only days away to kick off for Round 2! Woohoo... Super excited!

Where has the month gone!

Wow... It's been just over a month since I last blogged! Time goes so fast... The good news is that I have been so incredibly busy getting up at 4.30am every morning going to the gym then home getting ready for work and back out the door to drop off kids etc that days are long but fullfilling!!! I think last week was the 5th week that I have trained 6 days a week, I am starting to feel the benefits with my fitness improving and the weight starting to leave. I have gained energy and honestly starting to believe that being who I want to be physically and emotionally will happen. I do get frustrated at times at how hard I work and the results don't seem to match the effort but then I slap myself around and say "Keep going!!!" I have lost 5kg's since coming home from Bonny Hills and 3.4kg's since starting the Michelle Bridges 12WBT so I am on track.
This morning I ran/walked 8km's which meant I exercised for 1 1/12 hours straight. So about to relax a little today and possibly a short run this afternoon... I think being at my goal weight by my 17th wedding anniversary will happen...32 weeks!

Emotional Day yesterday..

Yesterday was just one of those days where it all hit me how my weight has affected my self esteem and self respect over the years. I have been fairly focused over the last couple of weeks with bad moments and even bad days but each day my confidence grows that this is the year to be become who I am meant to be. The show Biggest loser has been a roller coaster ride of tears watching the contestants. Our friend Damien is the biggest guy ever on Biggest Loser and to see how hard he is working at 234.4kg's and the struggle and determination in his face, honestly last night made me think "I have nothing to complain about!" We are all praying for him and believing over the next couple of years his health and life will turn around!

Anyway... I am off to the gym for a little treadmill time and then cycle! Bring on me NOT cheating at all this weekend! I can do it, No more excuses... No turning back... This is it! Oh by the way 2kg's have come off since coming home from holidays. It is good but the weight is going to shift a little faster over the next 4 months!

1st Feb 2011

Wow, here we are in February... So I have less 11 months to turn this body, mind and spirit around! I am about to head off to gym to do some running and then cycle class. I have been up since 4.30am, made this kids lunches and cleaned the kitchen. Mornings are frantic but I know that when I exercise in the morning I FEEL so much better. I focus less on what goes in my mouth and my energy levels are better even if I am surviving on 5 hours sleep!

I have made a commitment to my kids that when the 12wbt starts I will weigh in in front of them each week to be accountable. This is scary stuff for me as I have NEVER let them see my weight. I know that my kids will "keep it real" for me.

My son turned 11 yesterday, the years have gone to fast... 2011 will be a year that counts and one that I look back on with a smile on my face.. Biggest Loser started back on TV for 2011, we know a guy called Damien from our church who made it on with his brothers and nephew... he is the biggest male ever on Aussie Biggest Loser. It is inspiring and fun to lose weight with them. I must run... a timetable to keep!

Australia Day is over!

Wow I did not realise it had been 6 days since I last blogged on here... I think because the pre-season tasks have started on the 12wbt and I have been reading the forums and writing on there time slipped away!

My kids have been back to school this week... My eldest daughter started highschool on Tuesday, it was harder dropping her off to a new school with knowing she knew no-one then leaving her on her first day of school 8 years ago! But she had a great day and is excited about the year ahead.

Yesterday was Australia Day and we spent time with my brother, sister in law and their 4 precious kids. My hubby was doing electrical work there so we took the kids to the pool.

Anyway.. I am feeling a little numb this morning, I have just watched and completed Task 2 in the 12wbt and I am now quite emotional. It is one thing to know what has always held me back from achieving my weightloss and health goals but it is another to know how to change it. My mind tells me things I find hard to even admit to myself at this stage let alone sharing it.

I have to work on my self talk...

So right here I'll tell myself...

Karen you are a princess, created by God for purpose. You can achieve all things!
I am healthy
I have energy
I am fit
I do make right choices with food
I will achieve my goals

I think that is enough for now...

Saturday is here..

The weekend has arrived, the last few days have been busy, busy with work, taking my kids out for their last Friday of school holidays! Thursday I didn't get to exercise so I worked harder at the gym yesterday to make up for it a little and I am off to the gym this morning for a cycle class to kick off the weekend on a positive note. I have given in to temptation a few times over the last few days which I am not happy about but I didn't over eat the tempting food I just wish I had avoided it all together. Today is a new day and other than eating some chocolate and some cheesecake I have eaten a healthy balance of fruit, veg proteins and carbs!
Yesterday at the gym I did some walking around with 2 x 10kg weights in my hand and they were really heavy and then I thought to myself I carry about 30kg's of extra weight, imagine how fantastic I will feel when I have lost it! That certainly inspires me on to reach my goal. At this stage I have not put a time frame on the length of time it will take but I know soon I have to so I "keep it real" and stop making excuses and procrastinating!

The house is very quiet, my hubby had to be up at 4.30am to head off to work all day at XXXX in Brisbane to help fix the room with all the machines that were damaged from the floods. My kids are sleeping and I am enjoying just spending time thinking about how blessed I am. I think for the last few years I have stopped believing in myself and potential. For a few years there I was so focused and driven but when I look back I think really I had just adopted other people's dreams as that is what I thought I had to do to be successful.
My weight does affect my confidence although I have worked through major self esteem issues over the last few years there is still and element of doubt due to my weight. You see I really would like to motivate people to live a healthy life... not just a healthy physical body but also a healthy soul and mind. I feel my soul is healthier I just now need my body to catch up.

So to put some of my goals on paper... I do want to always be the best wife and mother I can be, meaning that I am always loving, selfless, generous and patient with my family. I want to my children to always feel that can tell me anything and that I will always love them. My husband is the hardest working man I know and I pray that I become better at helping and encouraging him in his journey of life and that he always knows how much I adore and appreciate him.

There are so many other goals coming to mind but enough of that for now... Oh the other exciting thing is my hubby is going to do the Michelle Bridges 12wbt with me, I know that if we support each other and stay accountable it will help to move closer in our health journey!

Hubby's Birthday today!

Wow, I can't believe it's my hubby's Birthday today..this would be the 22nd Birthday since I've known him! Any way yesterday was one of those day's where nothing went to plan which is usually when I tell myself "oh it's ok to fall off the wagon, there is always tomorrow"... So the plan yesterday was I got up went for a short walk just to clear my head and off to work by 7.30am. I was going to buy my hubby's present during lunch and then arrive home by 3.30pm and be at the gym by 5pm to do a circuit class followed by a cycle class... So that was the plan! Unfortunately my hubby had to go and get some steel taken out of his eye at the PA hospital which I went with him and because of Brisbane's floods the hospital was very busy so we waited nearly 4 hours, didn't get home till 5pm so decided to go out last night for his Birthday with the kids.

So..the good news is I had to buy lunch and made great choices...same with dinner and I did have a small bit of my hubby's chocolate in the evening which was not needed but controlled. I was disappointed abour notbeing able to exercise but TODAY is a new day, the time is 5.09am and I am about to got to the gym before work!

Feeling great!

Day 1 comes to an end!

Well, I made it through day 1 of keeping it real! I had a good day, I just wish temptation would not strike so often. Firstly my in laws came over with some finger buns (fresh and smelt amazing) but I hardly even looked at them and I find if I just get through watching my kids take the first bite then I'm ok! It was a busy afternoon with running kids around which then having to come home and to cook dinner after 7pm is draining and painstaking to say the least (I am not a kitchen lover)! But I had planned ahead and thought about what would be healthy and quick and got some things ready before I left home. That made it easier and I must remind myself of that in the weeks and years to come. My hubby got chocolates from his parents for his Birthday this week... This was a challenge, I found myself saying "oh you have been so good today one or two won't hurt" then I thought about how long it takes to burn 200 calories, and that this is not my junk meal day (after all it is only the beginning of the week!) So I did sit down and have a cuppa with my hubby and even though watching him eat the chocolate in front of me was hard for about 1 minute after that I felt so great for not having any.  This is the feeling I need to  remember when I am tempted in the future... Anyway, I feel good, energised and proud which is much nicer than feeling bloated and guilty. Bring on tomorrow world, I am ready for another day of Health!

Day 1 of Keeping it Real...

 I decided on my walk this morning that I really need to write down my journey of becoming the new me! Now I wish this was the first journey I had started but the reality is that my health and weight loss journey has been something that has been up and down since I was 8 years old. Over the last 28 years I have been successful many a times in losing weight but just as successful in gaining it back plus some more. I know all the things to do and even enjoy exercise and eating well... I just do not do it consistently and have not really adopted all the changes in my life to "make it a lifestyle"... It is not all bad I have been able to keep my weight relatively the same for a number of years but that really is not good enough when honestly I need to lose at least 30kgs! So this blog is for me to write is all down in an attempt to be accountable to myself... I have tried to be healthy for others but that has not worked so I am doing this for me...for my healthy life! All excuses are out of the way, I have a nano ipod to listen to music while I exercise, I have plenty of recipes to make healthy meals... I will receive my new Thermomix soon to really only ever eat whole foods and I have a heart rate monitor to measure how many calories I burn... So this morning I have exercised for 45mins and burnt 300 calories